Friday, March 5, 2010

Well here we are again -- Friday. Your humble correspondent asks your forgiveness for his few posts these past few days, but what better way to kick off a return to the blogosphere with a TWIW!

Now, I know that we love Facebook here in the West, but Israel is definitely addicted. While normally something about Isreali love for social networking would be a puff piece below the fold in a sad newspaper -- it has become an international security issue. Take a look!

From the facebook post of an IDF soldier:

On Wednesday, we’ll be cleaning up in Katnaa [an Arab village near Ramallah], and on Thursday, please G-d, we’re going home.

The problem? This was posted on a Monday. Whoopsiedoodle! The poor Farmville addict continued to list his unit name, and the ...

...EXACT PLANNED TIME FOR THE OPERATION.

Welcome to what we here at D&D call "Pulling a Geraldo". While so much time, money, and brainpower is being spent around the world on cybersecurity, even the Google can't protect itself from dummies who like sharing. Who needs to hack servers for intel when people are going all Geraldo (sans-stache) up in this piece? Evidently the Internet is a series of tubes filled with un-bright folk.

Needless to say, the IDF cancelled the operation, and this soldier is going to jail -- where his Gangwars score will go through the roof, and he can finally contemplate the ninja/pirate superiority dilemma.

Our next story is equally weird. Do you have an odd collection of downloaded erotica on your computer? LOOK OUT! All those folders you labeled "old tax files" will not protect your treasured nudie pics... for here comes the Porn Detection Stick! For a little under 100 bucks, someone could deploy this USB, which its manufacturer claims
can search a 500GB hard drive with 70,000 images in an hour and a half [using] advanced image analyzing algorithms that categorize images as potentially harmful by identifying facial features, flesh tone colors, image back grounds, body part shapes, and more.

Yikes! Look out sketchy guy from 1993 who still downloads stuff from the dirty interwebs. While this humble blogger is unconcerned, I have noticed Reidy looking more and more nervous lately... hopefully its unrelated.

We at D&D are looking forward to the Thai army deploying the Porn Detection Stick to replace their equally useless GT200 stock.

If you do have a few naughty snaps on the old desktop, and your stash is discovered, I can't think of any better getaway vehicle than the new Flying Hovercraft. It's a boat! It's a plane! It's not a good iteration of either! If you need a quick gettaway, why wouldn't you want to bolt a couple of wings onto a stock hovercraft, and tie on a lawn mower engine for that extra oomf? Sure, you wont fly too high, or cruise too fast, or be, well, "safe", but think of the style points!

What, not flashy enough for you? Well fine -- go buy the new Martin Jetpack! Here's the scoop from the folk at UberGizmo:
Always wondered what it felt like to be Buzz Lightyear, soaring to the skies with a rocket backpack? That imagination can be realized if you're willing to pay top dollar for it, to the tune of $75,000 for the Martin Jetpack. Boasting 200 horses in the chassis, this dual-propeller pack is able to reach heights of up to 2,400 metres and top speeds of 60mph. Best of all is, you won't need a pilot's license to get around in this.

Wait. What? No license -- awesome! No way that could go wrong ... but at least you won't need to get clearance to take off from a 5 year old. Well, that's it for this week, loyal readers. I would love to poke more fun, but all this silliness is making me feel like I'm coming down with a serious case of Exploding Head Syndrome (yes, it's REAL!).

3 comments:

Dave Reidy said...

This is possibly the weirdest week yet. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to delete some old tax files from my computer...

Beau said...

Jeff - you are a paragon of awesomely bizarre investigative journalism.

:: salutes ::

Maren said...

I definitely have chronic exploding head syndrome. It's no joke.

Great post, Jeff!!

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